Building without a foundation

15 years ago, she took me under her wing
4 years ago, she tried to feed me every meal that I missed since leaving Riga
1 year ago, she died.
When I was younger, I was terrified of losing any of the people I loved
When it happened, I was frozen.
I didn't know the right way to respond
should I cry? should I be angry?
should I question fate? should I write a self-therapy poem?
should I buy a bottle? should I accept it?
do I have a choice?
Today, I am here and she is not,
and I miss her.
There is so much I wish I could change,
but life is bigger than me and will always be full of "what ifs,"
and I accept that.
I just wish getting older didn't involve losing people who helped define who you are,
because without them you become a building without a foundation.